Looking at myself..

Some people can just find reasons to celebrate out of nothing and others (like me) keep sulking and cribbing and remain upset and worried and anxious even when life gives them a reason good enough to celebrate or rather have a bashing celebration!!! I am just hating it and the worst is that I know it the but I am not doing anything about it (apart from posting this rant here) and I don’t even understand why I am not doing anything about it!

I just don’t feel like celebrating… why? I just don’t know! But I know this is not the best thing to do… this is not the best of behaviors… and this is not how I have ever wanted to be! I have always wanted to be and have been the one to show others every minutest reason to smile, to feel good, to celebrate. I remember how often I used to use the phrase ‘C’mon, lets go out and have fun’… And haven’t I always believed that it’s important to celebrate every small occasion with a lot of passion to appreciate small things in life which are apparently more important than the so-called ‘big’ ones!

And I remember sending cards and flowers and SMSes I don’t know what all to people to celebrate li’l things like rose day/b’day/promotions/v day/friendship day and every other ‘day’ on the planet, to make them smile when they are feeling down for no reason, to wish good luck, or sometimes just wishing a smile for someone to make the day special… then why the hell can’t I do it for myself? Why can’t I celebrate my small but special moments/days… why can’t I smile for the same things when the happen with me, on which I like making others smile? I wonder where will I land up in life with so many ‘whys’… and today I am forcing myself to have fun.. m planning a vacation thinking that it might help me come out of this irritation..

This is not funny at all…. especially knowing myself, knowing how much I have always cared for these ‘may be stupid’ things…. and right now I feel like laughing at myself… It seems like life is telling me… look you idiot…how you used to waste time on these stupid things…and like a small child I am telling it that those things were not stupid… they were always worth that celebration… and then.. it just laughs at me.. and I keep standing with my head down…

I am just plain, simple irritated right now… not with anyone else but myself… I don’t have to do this to myself!